Fixin’ to Sit on the Porch

35226 all the way to 30309.

When you’re the first person to leave, utterly alone and frail, it feels strange.

Strange to see your loved ones only through phone screens or photographs.

It reiterates that I am alone here,

In what seems to be a far away place.

An imposter in an alien realm.

I realize Home is only 156 miles away,

Yet,

All those miles feel like an impossible eternity.

I am the eldest daughter who yearned to get out,

To be tough,

To become independent,

To overcome the doubts and stereotypes,

Only to find myself wishing I could crawl back,

To the comforting arms of my loved ones,

Into my mama’s arms,

Onto my father’s shoulders,

Onto my sister’s bed,

Into my partner’s loving embrace,

To the cicadas, barefoot walks, and overgrown kudzu,

To my home.

I look for any resemblance of y’all here, just to feel the comfort.

Yet,

Home ain’t perfect either.

It ain’t the same anymore,

But, I would still run,

Run for eternity, back to you

My home,

My love.

Aiden,

I love you.

You complete me,

Like the stars complete the night sky.

You are the person I yearn for,

The person I fall apart for,

The person I create for,

The person I would willingly give up my eternal soul for.

You are my person, my other half.

If you desired, I would willingly lay my life in front of you.

If you wished me to, I would move the heavens and the earth for you.

And, you deserve everything your mind, body, & soul desire.

You are my person, my other half.

I yearn for the final day that we can end the distance,

As being torn from you rips my soul apart.

You complete all of me.

I am so proud of the man you have grown up to be,

And I cherish all of the five & a half years we have spent together.

I love you, your heart, body, & soul.

Sincerely,

Your love.

Dad,

Thank you for everything,

For pushing me,

For raising me,

For being my number one supporter,

For being you.

Dad,

I know I never say this enough,

But I am so grateful for you,

For all of the wonderful memories you have blessed me with,

And for being your daughter.

I wish, at night, that I could watch movies with you,

To go on a drive with you,

Or wake up to Disney music again.

I forever won in the “Dad Gamble,”

And I miss you so much when I am away.

I hope I make you proud.

I love you, to the moon & back.

Sincerely,

Your oldest.

Lauren,

I know I never say this enough,

But I do miss you.

I miss being right down the hall from you,

Miss being there for you,

Comforting you,

And being comforted by you,

I even miss annoying you at times.

Lauren,

Thank you for showing me what it means to be strong,

To be independent,

To be carefree,

And to be my authentic self, even if others may judge.

You have shown me so much, even if I happen to be the oldest.

Please, do not ever lose your spark,

Your wildness,

Your independence.

You are cherished by so many people,

Everyone is lucky to have you in their life,

And, I am so grateful to call you my sister.

You are my best friend,

And I have been forever blessed.

I love you, and I’ll always be here.

Sincerely,

Your oldest sibling.

Mom,

Thank you for all of your sacrifices,

For being my backbone,

For listening on both the good and bad days,

For being by protector,

For pushing me,

For being you.

Mom,

I am so grateful to be your daughter.

I know it couldn’t have been easy raising me,

Especially with Lauren,

But I cherish all the memories I have with you.

I wish I could still walk down the hall to you,

And crawl back into your arms,

As if I was five again.

I miss you so much when I am away,

I hate growing up,

But thank you for making me your daughter.

I love you, forever & ever.

Sincerely,

Your oldest.